I clenched my fists and set my jaw. My pride determined this wasn’t going to be a graceful moment for me. My husband had gently exposed some of my recent injustices. He was right. But really, who wants to be shown their missteps when you feel you’re trying so hard? My husband, sweet and godly as he is, knew I was capable of better and had to hold me to a higher standard.
The truth is, I was scared. Our future was uncertain. There were mental plans made that lacked solidity and, tell me, how can you find the gumption to jump if you’re unsure there even is a platform to jump to?!
An attempt to control something, anything, manifested itself in a river of pride and there we stood staring at the ravine between, both knowing my husband had done his end and now it was my turn to reciprocate.
To say I was scared for our future was truth, but to say I wasn’t trusting God was an even deeper truth. I was neither trusting God to provide, nor my husband to lead. As a follower of Christ and a wife, this was not the place for me.
In a moment alone and fully aware of just how bad things could go (you know, catastrophizing everything) I get real honest with God and ask the question, “God, will you come through?”
Someone tell me I’m not alone this! Yeah, I didn’t think so, which is why you are reading these words. We’re human. We’re all too aware of our humanity and the limitations that come with that condition. We know what we’re capable of and not cable of; we know when we’re stretching faith in ourselves too far. To trust our future to an unseen deity is a challenge, at best.
But thank God, He’s not another deity desiring praise yet incapable of promise. He’s the God whose power spoke the world into motion and whose promise breathes life into our dry bones.
The supreme truth is I am in the best situation. I know the next step God is asking me to take, but the steps to follow are yet to be revealed. I also know what happens if God doesn’t come through. Why is this the best place? Because the unknown keeps me on my face seeking the Father and His will. I can’t make my own plans and hope they work out. I need to jump and, through prayer, trust God will provide the platform I need to land on.
And the kicker? All of this is to be done in joy. Oh there it is – the word that haunts those of us who are too often aware of the brokenness of the world and our inability to restore it. But our Almighty requires this of us.
Philippians 4:6 states, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”
“Men must see and know your Joy, and seeing it, know, without any doubt, that it springs from trust in Me, from living with Me” (God Calling daily devotions).
I may not be able to have every step planned out for myself. I may not be able to foresee what’s to come. I may not be able to control the future. But I can, right now, pray to my Father, seek His face, and, in joy and thanksgiving, trust that He is good and He is God and He will provide.
Have you ever experienced that moment of fear, of knowing that you can’t control as much as you think you should?
Do you find it difficult to trust God to be God?
Have you ever asked, “God, will you come through?”
My prayer for you as you read this is God will comfort you with the peace of knowing it’s ok to trust Him. He wants you to trust Him and turn to Him for all your needs. We can let go of our need to control and worry because He is in control. I pray you can “look at the birds of the sky: they don’t sow or reap or gather into barns, yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you worth more than they?” (Matthew 6:26) I pray you realize the worth you are to your Father and King. We can joy in the opportunity to trust Him and give Him thanks. I pray you learn more of our Father and how He loves to care for His children. I pray you learn to live from a platform of faith and not from a platform of fear.
Now, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” – Romans 15:13
“When I am afraid, I will trust in you.” – Psalm 56:3